The past couple of weeks have been a bit difficult for me. But before I get into it, I do want to say that while I am mourning the fact that my oldest son is no longer that little boy that I miss holding in my arms, I am very proud of the man he is becoming and I am enjoying spending time with him and knowing him on an adult level. Every phase of his life has been a joy. That being said, it doesn’t make it any easier that he is graduating and heading off to college next fall.
Last weekend, we took Matthias out to Goodwell, Oklahoma to Oklahoma Panhandle State University for their college preview day. We got a great tour of the campus, had lunch, stayed for part of the football game and found out all the valuable information that we need to get him ready for next fall. It was a very bittersweet day, but one that I will cherish forever. It was a day that my husband and I went with our son, spent the day with just him, talking about his hopes and dreams, his desires and goals, helping him bridge that gap between the final stage of his childhood and the first step of his adulthood. It always brings joy to a parents heart to see their child with such drive, determination and excitement, and it inspires the parent to push even harder to help that child see their dreams come true.
Time has never felt as fast to me as it has this year. Thanksgiving is almost upon us and Father Time keeps sending me that continual message that I only have one semester left before he’s out into the world.
This last Friday was Senior Night and the last home football game of the regular season. The last “Lights Out” show that my son would perform with The Pride of Hennessey. Earlier that week, it was the final field marching competition of his high school career. We are rapidly adding more and more “lasts” to the list.
Standing out on the field with him, as his accomplishments and future plans were announced over the loud speaker, to hear the band cheer furiously for him, to see my mother watch with pride in her eyes as he stood before the crowd brought back memories from 20 years ago when I stood on Fairview’s field with my mother. I understand what she felt then. Extreme pride, extreme sadness and joy all at the same time. It was a very surreal moment in time.
As hard as it is to watch your children grow up, it is so very rewarding as well. My heart sings at the young man Matthias has become. One that I know is going to live life to the fullest and chase down every dream and turn them into reality. He is my shining star, has been from the first time I looked into his eyes almost 19 years ago.
When I was a kid, 12 was my lucky number. It was the number of my basketball uniform when I was in Jr High and now it is part of the number of my first born son’s graduating year. It will also be the age that my youngest son turns this coming December. (the 12th month) 😉
Life is a journey and sometimes part of that journey if filled with difficult moments, heartbreak and sorrow. Sometimes it’s filled with joy, excitement and adventure. Then there are times when the two are intermingled. This entire year is one of conflicting emotions for me. It doesn’t mean that I am not happy for my son, because it’s quite the opposite. Sometimes, I wish he could be like one of Peter Pan’s Lost Boys and never grow up, while another part of me enjoys the company of the young man that stands before me. He is still my shining star and I know he is going to shine bright and make many of his own wishes, and mine come true.